Better conversation.

We all like to have conversations that end up giving feelings like amazement, inspiration, motivation, and fun. But it’s not happening with everybody we know, and everybody we meet, because it is obvious we talk to different people for different purposes, and all of them are not people we like to conversate with. We are talking for a purpose. I don’t imagine having a great conversation with my control freak friend or the judgmental teacher in our school.

But still, we can have great conversations with these people with whom we don’t interested to talk. To do that, we have to follow some habits. There are 10.

1. Don’t multitask — not just keep your mobile, car keys or whatever is in your hand but be present at the moment. Don’t be thinking about an argument you had with your friend or what you’re going to have for dinner. If you want to get out of the conversation, get out of it. Don’t be half in it and half out of it.
2. Don’t pontificate — If you want to state your opinion without any opportunity for response, argument, push back or growth, write a blog. That is boring. You have to enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn. True listening requires setting aside oneself and it means sometimes setting aside your personal opinions. Sensing this acceptance, the speaker will become less and less vulnerable and more and more likely to open up the inner recesses of his or her mind to the listener. Everybody you meet knows something you don’t.
3. Ask open-ended questions. If you ask a complicated question, you’re going to get a simple answer. Let them describe it. Try asking how that feels like. Then they will stop for a moment, think about it, and, give a much more interesting response.
4. Go with the flow — Thoughts come to your mind, let them go. Don’t stop listening while thinking about what to ask.

5. If you don’t know, say that you don’t know. The talk should not be cheap, and it doesn’t look interesting.

6. Don’t equate your experience with theirs. Experience may look the same but it’s not the same for two different people. When a person is talking about a lost family member, don’t talk about the loss of a family member. All experiences are individual. More importantly, it is not about you, you don’t need to take that moment to prove how amazing you’re or how much you suffered. Conversations are not promotional opportunities.

7. Try not to repeat yourself. It is boring.

8. Don’t care about the details like year or date. What people care about is you.

9. Listen — First and last thing to make a conversation engaging and inspiring, listen.

10. Be brief. Nobody likes lengthy descriptions of unimportant things.

I have taken these points from a TED talk given by Celeste Headlee who makes her living talking to people. Thank you for inspiring me to share what you have shared.